maven&meddler

Now you have some idea of what the best of the best had to go through. Ouch!

Jeeze, that had to leave a mark.

It’s to protect ourselves from these idiots.

From the Borowitz Report:

Doucebags seek new ways to compensate for tiny penises.

DETROIT (The Borowitz Report) – General Motors’ decision yesterday to stop manufacturing Hummers has struck at the heart of the group who loved the vehicles most: America’s assholes.

Across the nation, leading assholes spoke of a sense of loss and sadness caused by the decision, and suggested that they would now be searching for new ways to compensate for their small penises.

Tracy Klugian, a realtor in Tempe, Arizona, said that he would consider buying a boat with an annoyingly loud sound system, “but it just won’t say ‘asshole’ like a Hummer does.”

Mr. Klugian, whose penis has been described as “microscopic,” also questioned the timing of GM’s decision.

“Right now, the Hummer is the only thing on the road capable of stopping a Toyota,” he said.

This is hysterical. Some absolutely brilliant wag is out there sending in these wonderful testimonials and this retard can’t figure out that he’s being had big-time.

Gillian Cooke’s Bobsled Boo-Boo

You can thank Brit Gillian Cooke for making bobsledding cool for the first time since Cool Runnings came out in 1993. The athlete split her spandex suit while gearing up for a run in the 2010 World Championships in Switzerland, captured here in all of its mildly NSFW video glory.