Berta Quotes

“Beats wakin’ up to find pool chalk between your fanny cheeks.”

‘Berta’, Two and a Half Men, Conchata Ferrell

And there are more Berta quotes:

Trust me. You want me to have a room with a private crapper.

Charlie: Are you going home?
Berta: No, the opera, they can’t finish until I sing.

Looks like you got bit in the face by one of them ebola monkeys!… I mean, you weren’t exactly eye-candy going in, but now… Wuff! You could scare the flys off a manure truck.

Berta: So, Zippy’s getting a hooker?
Charlie Harper: It would appear so.
Berta: Talk about earning your money.

The world is a much happier place once you figure out whether you’re the pin or the cushion.

Alan Harper: But the truth is, you and I see each other every day, and we really don’t know much about each other.
Berta: So you want to know what goes on underneath this gruff exterior; whether somewhere inside me, there’s a tiny little girl who once dreamed of being a famous ballerina?
Alan Harper: Is there?
Berta: If there is, it’s because I accidentally ate one, and haven’t passed her yet… Let me tell you, I am dreading that tiara.

your brother is the embodiment of the can-do, roll-up-your-sleeves spirit, that made this country great! He never gets discouraged, he goes after what he wants, and he doesn’t know the meaning of the word “quit”. And if the day should come, when any man, no matter how humble, can’t go out there, and soil the loins of some hot little dancer, well… I don’t want to live in that America!