maven&meddler

Well, I guess we’ve gained a bit of ground toward health care reform. The Senate bill passed the crucial vote and is now going to the floor for, gasp!, debate. I’m puzzled by those who would have prevented this ultimate expression of the democratic process: debate in an open forum.

What is it about open and honest debate that the opponents of health care insurance reform fear? What’s the worst that could happen?

I know what it is.

The fabric of space time could completely unravel. The universe might open up with an enormous crack, spilling out dead people and horrific events. Giant bolts of lightening, worthy of the END OF TIMES would rage across the nation, igniting false prophets like Joel Orsteen and Mitt Romney.

Talk about Crispy Critters. Whoa.

Next, Ted Kennedy would come falling out of the giant sky crack. In a scenario worthy of a televison miniseries, Ted and Mary Jo Kopecni would have traded bodies. The wing nuts would find out that they hadn’t been battling Ted all these years, but a seriously pissed off Mary Jo. She’s going to fuck with their heads for decades, drink and die laughing.

As the universe turns inside out, they’d find that - Holy Shit! - George Wallace really was an evil asshole, the Jews really do own everything, blacks do get special treatment, the Spics get free everything including medical care … and their kids really do hate them.

The final blow? Yes, you guessed it. Global warming is real, and it’ll become irreversible on the day Obama signs healthcare reform into law. The entire United States will be destroyed by earthquakes, firestorms and outrageous fares on the deregulated airlines. Oh, and medical science will discover that gay marriage promotes a longer, healthier lifespan.

When your next door neighbors, Harry and Louise rail about the injustice of a government ‘takeover’ of healthcare - rather like their Medicare - don’t paintball their house at night. Take pity on them for the whirling cesspool of irrational fear they live in, fueled by Glenn Beck … the Grand Cyclops of the Latter Day Nitwits.

Oh, the ever shrinking Reno Gazette-Journal had an actual real piece of reporting in today’s paper. The article was about the City of San Francisco’s universal healthcare plan. Jeeze, who woulda guessed that the city by the bay could come up with a workable plan to cover everybody and keep costs in check?

Perhaps, Harry and Louise Teabagger should take a look at that … if they can tear themselves away from that tearfully encyclopedic rennaisance man, Glenn Beck

Cory Farley had one of his stand out pieces about a 10-year-old kid in Arkansas that refuses to say the Pledge. This rocks. The kid says that the Pledge is hypocritical. He has  an actual philosophical dispute that borders on genius. Fifth grader, Will Phillips says that the phrase “liberty and justice for all” is ringing a bit on the thin side these days. Smart boy, that one. Observant.

 Of course, the crackers in Arkansas don’t see it that way. The last big philosophical dispute they had was over the real size of the bass that Billy Joe Bob caught down at Lake of the Ozarks.

A new law recently passed in Arkansas:
When a couple gets divorced, they’re still brother and sister.

Okay, I thought that driving with a cellphone glued to your ear was the worst that could happen. Not so.

Today, I was driving around Reno and saw something really disturbing my rear view. A woman gnawing a cob of corn. I shit you not. Corn on a stick. I keep trying to move further away from the idiots from the Deep South and they keep following me. Them and my Mormon Church ex-brethren.

A new law recently passed in Utah.

When a couple gets divorced, they’re still father and second wife’s  teenage daughter.

And you wonder why I’m an atheist. Duh.

“Reno Tahoe, USA … Far from expected”. Yup, that’s the knock your socks off new slogan that the boosters here have offered up to bring bus loads of gamblers into the area.

Be still my heart.

If you’ve ever had doubts about anything a committee comes up with, here’s the proof. If this isn’t the most insipid, lame, bland, vanilla, white wonder bread excuse for a ‘slogan’, I don’t know what is. I’ve run into folks across the country who remembered “The Biggest Little City in the World”, in fact I’d found people in distant foreign lands who’d heard of that.

At least this latest slogan will probably have a similar lifespan of the other recent and forgettable slogans and we’ll be well rid of it.

It’s going to be a short week. If you’re cooking for turkey day, search the mavenandmeddler for some scrumptious recipes. I especially enjoyed the rolled, stuffed turkey roast I did last year, and I’ve got step by step instructions - with photos - for you. There’s also plenty of side dish ideas, too.

Have a good one.

maven