Friday Fish Wrap: April 1. 2011
Friday, April 1, 2011 at 18:34 You just can’t get too much of a good thing, especially when it’s yourself.
Chidi Ogbuta, 35, decided to order a rather unusual wedding cake for her special day - a five-foot-tall replica of the person she admires the most. Herself.
“I searched for months to find someone who’d make my dream come true,” she said. “Originally the plan was for two cakes — one of me and one of [my husband] Innocent.
If I had a husband named Innocent, I’d have opted for a five-foot-tall bottle of Jim Beam.
Vote for Weiner, He’ll be Frank!
WASHINGTON—Expressing a reaction similar to millions of other dismayed Americans, Newt Gingrich admitted Monday that he too was feeling “pretty bummed out” about the prospect of a Newt Gingrich presidential campaign.
While confirming his ardent desire to be president, the former Speaker of the House told reporters the mere fact that American voters were seriously considering Newt Gingrich to be a viable Republican candidate in 2012 was a fairly distressing development that made him question the direction the country was moving in.
“Even when I see my name on a list of potential candidates, I think, you gotta be kidding me—Newt Gingrich?” said Gingrich, frowning and shaking his head in disbelief. “People are actually getting excited about the guy who engineered the 1995 government shutdown? I’m sorry, but that’s just sad.”
“It’s 2011, for God’s sake,” Gingrich added. “Can’t we get a fresher name to represent the Republican Party in the 21st century than Newt Gingrich?”
Though he acknowledged a Gingrich candidacy would definitely fire up certain segments of the conservative base, and likely build up a fair amount of momentum on name- recognition alone, Gingrich said that knowing we lived in a world where these kinds of political realities existed at all was a rather grim and sobering thought.
American Dream Declared Dead As Final Believer Gives Up
WASHINGTON—At a press conference Monday, visibly embarrassed leaders of the Republican National Committee acknowledged that their nonstop, effusive praise of Ronald Reagan has been wholly unintentional, admitting they somehow managed to confuse him with Dwight D. Eisenhower for years.
The GOP’s humiliating blunder was discovered last weekend by RNC chairman Reince Priebus, who realized his party had been extolling “completely the wrong guy” after he watched the History Channel special Eisenhower: An American Portrait.
“When I heard about Eisenhower’s presidential accomplishments—holding down the national debt, keeping inflation in check, and fighting for balanced budgets—it hit me that we’d clearly gotten their names mixed up at some point,” Priebus told reporters. “I couldn’t believe we’d been associating terms like ‘visionary,’ ‘principled,’ and ‘bold’ with President Reagan. That wasn’t him at all—that was Ike.”
“We’re fighting three wars now. Imagine how many we’d be fighting if President Obama hadn’t won the Nobel Peace Prize.” —Jay Leno
“There’s wars in Iraq, Afghanistan and now Libya. You’ve heard the expression ‘theater of war’? This is a multiplex.” —David Letterman
Lewis Black thinks Donald Trump has what it takes to be the crazy third-world dictator that America needs.
Alright. I couldn’t help myself. It’s April Fools Day.
-maven
anthony weiner, lewis black, newt gingrich, wedding cake in Friday Fish Wrap 